I am a better parent than my ex – will the court agree?

Case Study: Andrew and Jenny have been separated for 3 years and share 2 children Jonny (7) and Jilly (4). Since separation the children have split their time equally between their parents. Andrew has come to see us today as he is not happy with how Jenny is taking care of the children. Andrew says that Jenny does not discipline the children and is very relaxed when it comes to bedtimes. He wants to know if he can force Jenny to follow his routine with the children and whether the court would agree that his parenting is better. 

Whilst every parent wants to do the best for their children, it is unhelpful to focus on who is a better parent rather than what is best for the child. The Court will not make a judgement about parenting styles if they do not raise a safeguarding concern. If for example, as a result of Jenny’s lack of bedtime routine, the children were not rested enough for school and their performance suffered as a result, this may be a valid concern for Andrew to have. If, however, Andrew simply wants Jenny to be sterner with the children because he believes his routine is the best, this is not a safeguarding concern. 

It is very important that parents work together to provide a stable and nurturing environment for the children. Here are some tips that might help you:

• Communicate. There are many parenting apps available for separated parents that are designed to take the heat out of communication so that parents can focus on the best interests of the children. 
• Agree a parenting plan- This is an informal voluntary agreement that sets out the parties agreed values in raising their children. There are many online parenting plans that can be used as a starting point.  
• Mediation. This involves a neutral third party who will assist you to resolve or narrow down the issues. 
• Court application. If there is already a Child Arrangements Order (“CAO”) in place, Andrew will need to apply to the Court to address the issues in dispute. Alternatively, if there is no CAO then Andrew may wish to consider making an application for a CAO as this will be a legally binding document that parties must adhere to. An application to the Court should be the last resort and it is important to understand that a Court will not tell one parent that they are better than the other.  

If you would like advice on any of the issues raised in this article, please contact Irrum Shah, Solicitor in our Family Law Department on 01295 204154, or by email at ishah@se-solicitors.co.uk