Sweet Bobby- A victim or just naïve?

By now, we have all seen or at least heard about the viral Netflix documentary about a woman who was duped into believing she was in a long-distance relationship for almost a decade. This documentary has divided the nation; with some people labelling the woman gullible while others have sympathised with her. The biggest question that has arisen from this documentary is How could something like this happen?

This type of relationship will often start with the perpetrator going to great lengths to win the victim’s trust.  In return, the perpetrator will expect the victim to go the same lengths to keep them happy, however it is never so easy. There will be hurdles the victim must overcome or boundaries they must remain within. 

From the perspective of a Family Lawyer, the behaviours exhibited by the perpetrator in this case was typical of a controlling and coercive relationship. The slow building of the victim’s trust over the preceding years before ‘becoming a couple’, the constant health emergencies each time the victim spoke up for herself or suggested she could not continue with the relationship, the erosion of the victim’s identity until she was virtually unrecognisable to her friends and family, from whom she had isolated herself from to keep the perpetrator happy.   

Controlling and coercive behaviour under UK Family Law refers to a pattern of behaviour by one person towards another that is designed to exert power and control. This behaviour can include a range of actions such as isolating the victim from their friends and family, monitoring their activities, controlling their finances, and using threats or intimidation.

Under Section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015, it is an offence if a person repeatedly or continuously engages in behaviour towards another person that is controlling or coercive, and at the time of the behaviour, they are personally connected (e.g., intimate partners or family members). There must be a serious effect on the victim (causing serious distress/alarm, fear of violence) leading to an adverse impact on their daily life. 

Remember, there is no ‘typical’ victim of controlling and coercive behaviour. It could be anyone. 

If you would like advice on any of the issues raised in this article, please contact Irrum Shah, Solicitor in our Family Law Department on 01295 204154, or by email at ishah@se-solicitors.co.uk