My Ex Keeps Talking Me Down to Our Children. What Can I Do?

Divorce and separation can be a difficult and emotional process, especially when children are involved. Unfortunately, some parents may attempt to influence their children’s opinions of the other parent by speaking negatively about them. This behaviour can be harmful to both the parent and the children. 

There are constructive steps you can take to protect your children and maintain a healthy bond with them. 

Stay Calm and Composed

Hearing that you ex is speaking badly about you to your children can be upsetting, but it is important to remain calm. Reacting with anger or frustration, especially in front of your children, may exacerbate the situation and inadvertently validate any negative claims your ex made. 

Instead, take a deep breath and remind yourself that your goal is to support your children, not engage in conflict. Keeping your emotions in check allows you to make thoughtful decisions that prioritise their well-being. 

Avoid Badmouthing Your Ex

As tempting as it might be to defend yourself by speaking poorly of your ex, resist the urge. Speaking negatively about your ex can confuse and upset your children, putting them in the middle of the conflict. Instead, model respectful communication and focus on being a positive role model. 

Reassure your children that they are loved by both parents, even if you disagree with your ex’s actions. By taking the high road, you show your children the importance of kindness and maturity. 

Communicate with Your Children

If your children bring up negative comments made by your ex, listen to them calmly and provide reassurance. Avoid making them feel as though they must choose sides or defend you. This approach helps to address their concerns without fuelling further conflict. 

Document Incidents

If you ex’s behaviour becomes a recurring issues, it is important to document specific incidents. Keep a record of: 

• What was said or done
• When and where it happened
• How your children were affected

This record can be useful if you need to seek legal advice or involve a mediator to address the issue.

Seek Support From Professionals

If the situation escalates or begins to affect your children’s well-being, consider seeking support from a family therapist or counsellor. A professional can provide your children with a safe space to process their feelings and help you navigate the challenges of co-parenting. 

Address the Issue Legally

If your ex’s behaviour is causing harm to your children, you may need to seek legal intervention. Courts prioritise the best interests of the children, and consistently badmouthing a parent can be considered harmful. 

Options include: 

• Mediation: A neutral mediator can help facilitate a discussion between you and your ex to address the issue. 
• Court Action: If mediation is unsuccessful, you may need to seek a Court Order to prevent your ex from engaging in damaging behaviour. In extreme cases, this may involve varying the child arrangements. 

Final Thoughts

Co-parenting after separation takes work, but it becomes even more challenging when one parent engages in harmful behaviour like badmouthing. Instead of retaliating, focus on building a strong relationship with your children. 

If you feel you would like legal advice on your options, please get in touch via our contact page or contact Sigourney Lee-Smith direct (01295 204009 or slee-smith@se-solicitors.co.uk).